Re-visiting old journals

I recently pulled out some of my binders of writings from my late teens and twenties. As I have mentioned before, full of teenage angst and frustration. I did find the following, however, to be quite intriguing. Perhaps it set the tone for my future connectivity (or lack thereof) with dedication to employment. (I wrote the following at the age of 18. I had a summer job in the Canadian north doing mineral exploration.)

When working up here you are not learning a living in the generally believed meaning of the phrase, you are prostituting yourself to a cause alien to yourself. This is all the more evident in that although you are living in the land of wide open spaces, you are actually ina prison like atmosphere since your lines of communication with reality are almost completely severed. It is not so much loneliness but a feeling of frustration at your inability to be a meaningful influence on your environment.

June 10, 1969, Stag Lake, Manitoba.

One of my biggest regrets is that I have not been able to find a sense of vocation in my employment. Rarely has it been a source a satisfaction, feeling instead far more like a weight than something that inspires me. Oh yes, there have been moments of "inspiration" at various times, but they have been surrounded by a sense of so much drudgery and desire to be doing something else.

Reflections on a Decision

It was about nine years ago, mid December, 1999, that I made what has proven to be a momentous personal decision. I decided to leap off the cliff of security and give up a well paying job for a large multinational corporation. I had worked for UPS for almost twenty years, the first ten as a driver, then the next ten in management.

I made the decision at the time based on the improved value of investments I had made in the company stock. I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. The job had essentially always been to me a means to an end. I had never felt particularly attached to it as a vocation with meaning. So, I left. They had no strings with me, I had no strings with them. I cut the cord of security.

The last nine years have been interesting, to say the least. I now live on a very limited income, and have drawn down much of my savings. I have watched over the years as the value of my investments have crumbled. I have embraced the concept of simple living. Some of this change in attitude, of course, has been driven by necessity. I don't have a large income to spend, so, in the words of one of my grandparents, I have to cut my cloth accordingly.

I do miss the financial security. However, I have enjoyed so many other riches by choosing the path that I did. Let's just say, no regrets.